Thank you 🌷

Thank you Christopher for your smile that lights up the room and your endless curiosity and creativity and joy you bring to our lives. Thank you for your adorable and insightful chattering that I want to bottle up and remember forever. 

Thank you Daniel for your quiet and peaceful presence, for being a sturdy rock of unconditional love for my wild and untethered soul and for our beautiful boys, four legged and 2! Thank you for your ability to capture life's special moments on camera like no other, for your courage to play, whether it be the guitar, lego, rough and tumble, basketball, you're a special Dad and a beautiful friend. 

Bluey and all our other furry friends we've loved over the years, there are no words for the kind of love you give. The thought of even the smelliest surprises you occasionally leave on the lounge floor melt away when I see Christopher cuddling you and calling you his little furry brother. 

Thank you Mum for your loving presence in our lives. You're always there looking for ways to make our lives easier and always ready to be of help. Thank you for nourishing us with your incredible food and for being my favourite help at the allotment. I love the time we spend there taking in the view, digging and weeding, nattering about all things big and small and of course the well earned cappuccinos on the bench after! 

Thank you Linda for the joy and warmth you bring to our lives and for the special bond you have with Christopher. Thank you for raising Daniel to be the man he is, the father and husband he is. He has so much of your warmth and humour and you both bring so much lightheartedness to even the most mundane moments. 

Thank you Bazska for being the best brother I ever could have wished for. I just utter a problem and you've already solved it. Christopher adores your craziness and so do we. I'll even keep putting up with you embarrassing me in public because of the charming ways in which you go about it! I also appreciate you not throwing matchbox cars at me anymore or sinking your teeth into my knees! :) 

Thank you for our beautiful big family of adopted Dads, sisters, brothers, nephews and nieces. We are so blessed to have all of your loving presence. 

Last but not least my heart is filled with gratitude for all the crazy, gentle, nourishing, unbelievable friendships I have been gifted with over the years. I hope wholeheartedly that you all recognise yourselves when you read this. You are part of my family and I love you all in so many different ways. Thank you for hearing me, seeing me, accepting my weird and wonderful quirks and for giving a lifetime of sacred moments to cherish. 

N💝

U❤️

A beautiful little discovery from my morning walk with Bluey... 

Whether it be my neuro speciality or just one of my quirks, I can get quite particular about how I'd like to do my spiritual practices. In my ideal world I wake up and open A Course in Miracles, or any other book I'm drawn to at that moment and read a quote that will guide me on that particular day. I would then meditate briefly on it, breathe mindfully and then move mindfully with yoga or qigong and THEN start the day. 

Does this ever happen? Those of you with a child and pet, or anyone or anything to look after will probably understand, that this kind of undertaking is pretty near impossible. 

So I cut corners. 

Today is St Nicholas's day in Hungary, so job #1 this morning on waking was wrapping tiny bits to go in Christopher's and Daniel's boots. 

Meditation had to be merged with my Bluey walk (Bluey our dog, not the world famous one, although our dog is making his way up there with his tail wagging social skills) So I listened to my Course meditation for the day while juggling admiring autumn leaves and the light of the sun peeping over Hambledon Hill, with the odd not so graceful extracting of Bluey made substances from wet blades of grass! 

Today's meditation was centered around expressing gratitude for the gifts you've received from God throughout the day. I was lit up by the task and started listing all the wonderful people and circumstances in my life, perhaps a poem to follow from that later... 

I carried on my daily circuit around the winding streets of our village, thinking of more and more things to give thanks for, when I arrived at Daniel's car. Not technically his car, it's a hire car he's using while his van is being fixed. 

 I felt an unstoppable urge to trace I love you on his front window and reverse it so he could read it from inside. 

My fingers glided through the morning mist revealing a backwards U and a heart and as I looked at it to see if it was visible, my heart skipped a beat. Literally underneath it was a mirror image of what I had written. I tried to capture an image of it, I could not believe my eyes. A tiny message from above to say the love you send out returns to you. Or 'giving and receiving are one in truth' as the Course puts it. 

This was undoubtedly the best present anyone has snuck into my boots on St Nicholas's day. 

U❤️

Dear Christopher 01.12. 25

My darling Christopher, 

I wanted both of us to remember this start of advent, which was my favourite of all time. 

We woke up together and you asked for your usual back scratch! 'Harder mummy' you say and I do it until my arms drop off.

The we read a beautiful Hungarian Christmas poem that was a gift from your Godmummy Erika. You liked the picture of the cosy tree decorated with warm colours. 

We then found our wooden nativity set and you asked if you could put it up on your desk in your room. So there it is with everyone snuggled up inside, hiding from the rain, as it's a very wet day out today!

You lit the candle in the robin candle holder that you chose from the Range the other day and we munched on our breakfast together, you on your peanut butter and honey toast with frozen cherries, yes frozen cherries! And I on my carrot and cherry porridge and we chatted about Christmas memories. 

I told you about one I had as a child in Ulladulla in Australia, as it has stayed as one of my favourite Christmases from my childhood.

We also read a few pages of my favourite book, The Boy the Mole the Fox and the Horse and you said the boy doesn't know very much as he's asking a lot of questions. We then established that it's quite brave to ask questions and perhaps it shows that you actually know a lot, but you're curious. It's wonderful to be able to stay curious isn't it?

I asked you what you thought Jesus was like? I said I thought he was kind and funny and forgiving. You added 'loving'

Mummy: I often talk to Jesus when I have a sad or angry heart and when I need to be forgiven for something.

Christopher: Does he forgive you?

Mummy : Always.

Christopher : How do you know?

Mummy : Because I always have a peaceful heart after I talk to Him.

With all my love my precious boy, 

Mummy x

A miracle a day... Day 2

1 God's will for me is perfect happiness.

2 I share God's will for perfect happiness for me.

A miracle a day... 

According to a Course in Miracles forgiveness gives me everything I want. We are also reminded that we do not do the the forgiving, we just need to show the tiniest bit of willingness and the Holy Spirit takes care of the rest. There is also apparently no order in the importance of miracles. No miracles bigger or smaller. Yet in this form my miracle today was seemingly minute.

I had to return a small parcel of socks that Christopher didn't like. Now there's a miracle that wouldn't be so minute, finding a pair of socks he likes! But about that perhaps another time. The link by the return code was telling me to go to a post office just up the road in a small village near us.

 'Oh no!' I thought to myself. 'The lady who served me there last time was so grumpy!' And with that thought I was already looking for other post offices offering return services. But the lousy Internet signal and more importantly my small inner voice was whispering 'forgiveness opportunity' as is everything in this life from the smallest nuisance to the biggest of tragedies.

So i decided I was willing to forgive her and myself. When we need to forgive others it's really ourselves we need to forgive. 

I calmly got out of my car and walked in the shop where this post office was. There was a lady ahead of me in the cue. Taking what felt like half an hour. Forgiveness opportunity number two! When she stepped away I took a deep breath and probably forgot to take another one for a few minutes half expecting the lady behind the window to tell me off again for something. But I managed to smile at her as if I was seeing her for the first time in my life. And she smiled back. And we exchanged pleasantries and she sorted my parcel and off I went with a peaceful heart and a quiet smile.

In the few years I've been practicing the Course I've been having more and more moments like this. With strangers, with loved ones, with myself. I've decided to pluck up the courage and start sharing them. Writing brings me joy, I'd almost forgotten just how much joy actually. If only one person is touched by these words, then me sitting here reflecting was worth it. May you be as blessed by these lines as I have been by the ones that inspired them. Nx

A miracle a day... Day 1

 Lesson 115 (review) 

1 Salvation is my only function here 

2 My part is essential in God's plan for salvation 

A miracle a day... 

Today I was tempted to do a routine walk with my dog and I almost got him back in the car when I remembered that I wanted to capture something beautiful on camera before the day was through. So off I went for another circuit and was amazed at the stunning landscape I had taken for granted the first time around. I am grateful that I was nudged to look for beauty, and with that intention, there it was. It reminded me of a gratitude practice I had heard of in a Charlie Mackesy interview. The interviewer was telling Charlie that every evening he thinks of three things he is grateful for, which as it turns out has made him go about his day with a gratitude mindset, looking for things to be grateful for. I felt like that today. I was determined to see beauty, and there it was, I just had to become present and really look with my heart and notice it. 

The journey home

 As the sun set deep in the horizon

The brightest star appeared in its place

Although forever out of reach, you knew it was guiding you home

Back to safety, innocence and a long forgotten LOVE 

What if?

 What if I am much more than my past mistakes and beliefs about myself?

What if I were able to forgive those, and those I believed had hurt me and misunderstood me?

What if I could start a fresh page in my story right now and rewrite all that no longer serves me?

What if right now is really all that there really ever is and was and will be?

What if I could really love myself the way I try to love everyone else?

What if I could choose love and joy in every moment instead of fear and judgement, of self and others?

What if I allowed myself the fun I so often hold back on?

What if tomorrow was my last day, how would I live each moment?

What if I truly believed I was lovable and fun and worthy of being listened to and appreciated?

What if I was able to remember to play and make my child (and inner child) laugh more?

What if I was finally able to nourish my body and soul in the ways it craves to be cared for?

What if I could look in the mirror and smile and really see myself, see beauty and not flaws?

What if I was brave enough to find my voice and sing the song that has been trapped inside me for far too long now?

What if I wholeheartedly believed that I have a gift to share too, like everyone else in this world?

What if I wasn't an exception to all the compassion and forgiveness I hand out to others every day?

What if I I could let go of labels like 'boring' and 'rude' and 'fat' and fill all my dark corners with everlasting light?

What if I could wake up in the morning with joy in my heart, grateful for another day to live my truth and lovingly make time for writing and dancing and mindful breathing while also gracefully tending to all the needs of all the precious people, animals and plants in my care?

What if I could put all my building blocks I've collected over the years together and build the life I am worthy of living?

What if I could fearlessly embody the magnicence I am meant to shine through?

What if I could take a tiny moment like a ladybird on my beautiful boy's hand and let the gratitude of that simple yet profound presence permeate all that is?

I put these thoughts out this particular sleepless night as prayers filled with hope for a more peaceful, present and joyful tomorrow.

Thank you Zsuzsi for the inspiration ❤️

Yours truly,

N