5 minutes peace

 Thank you for 5 minutes silence today. To hear myself, to see what's really important, to cherish all that is around me. Thank you for reminding me that I need this. Every day. Thank you for fresh air and Gulliver's, for nature and good friends and for the sweetest family one could wish for. Thank you for bringing me back to Me ❤️

Your hand in my hand

 Christopher

Your hand in my hand we embark on this journey called life

I promise to share your joy and tears

Listen to your hopes and fears

I wish I could make everything perfect for you, but you yourself already are...

 and often the most imperfect times in our lives bring our greatest blessings

Though my tears may be more than my laughter on this part of our road together

And my love for my self seeking a sanctuary,

My love for you cannot be expressed with words

Just as night becomes day and day becomes night, the birds nest and the eagles fly, my love for you is unshakeable

I come with many fears and a fragile heart but promise to always stand in my truth and give you the space to stand in yours

With all my loving heart

Anya

On your Christening

Dear Christopher

May you always have sunshine to warm your heart

May you also have rain to keep you kind and grateful

May you always have faith to guide you each day

And true friends to walk with you along the way

May you forever feel loved and treasured and whole

May you always know that you are not alone

May your life be as blessed as you've made ours, our darling precious child

Thoughts on Motherhood

 

I expected to love my baby more than anything in the world.

The reality is that every expression in his shiny eyes takes my breath away, every new little sound he makes warms my heart and every touch of his delicate fingers is precious beyond words.

I expected this journey to be challenging, but nothing prepares you for the reality of not sleeping when you need to, for giving more than you actually have to this beautiful little person, for the marathon days of lockdown in rainy winter when your sweet illusions of what kind of mother you would and should be are put to the test in the trial of a lifetime.

It doesn't matter how tired you are, or you haven't looked in the mirror for days and your showers are barely a minute before your night shift begins. Yes, night shift, because laying beside your baby and being able to nourish him with your body is the miracle of life itself, but in the small hours, when the battery of your soul is screaming 'recharge me please!' your precious little being can seem like a relentless slave driver, and you can feel like there's absolutely no one in the world but you.. 

You expect to be a joyful, caring, patient, postcard perfect Mother.

Nothing prepares you for the rollercoaster of emotions you are going to feel.

Along with the joy comes the emptiness of sleep deprivation.

The caring moments can be followed by screams of desperation only heard by your pillows and your so longed for patience can turn into frustration that shakes your entire being.

Being here for my child has been the most meaningful, rewarding, invigorating and eye opening 'job' I have ever undertaken; and also the most all consuming and humbling.

In this role there is nowhere to hide from yourself and uncomfortable emotions that the world treats as taboo. You learn to accept your imperfection, you work through your anger, you embrace your falling short, you're finally forced to heal addiction to unhealthy food for the sake of nourishing your beloved child. 

You take a bigger step than ever before on the road to self care and nurturing, because the words that you can only love others less than yourself finally hit home.

And you put your hand on your heart in deep gratitude for your child, the greatest gift God has ever given you, and all the angels in disguise who are your family and friends, without whose help and support you never would have made it this far.

I have been so blessed in even the most difficult moments and my faith made so much stronger by making it through. All those true friends and family who have stood by me in my darkest moments, I love you and appreciate you so much and am so very blessed to have you in my life.

To my gorgeous, loving Daniel, sweet Daddy to Christopher, thank you for giving me my first 'lie-in' in 8 months to be able to write all this down.

I also extend all my love and prayers to all you other mum's soldiering through lockdown and winter, seeing other children only in buggies or on TV. I hope and trust in connecting with you in much brighter days to come.

Love love love as a dear friend of mine always says when she signs off <3

 

For Grace and Christopher

 

My heart overflowing with love for this little being, I felt the need to write again. Only after I started the post did I realise the date today... Last year on this day we were due to have our first baby. As painful as that journey was and knowing no one can replace that little soul, if we hadn't miscarried, we never would have received the precious gift that is Christopher.

Bursting with gratitude for the first time possibly ever I'm lost for words to describe the feeling...

All I can think of is Thank You..

For the smile on your little face when you wake up, that lights up the whole room

The sound of your giggles that makes everything right in the world

Your sparkling eyes that are full of sweetness and mischief

The abundance of love you've brought into our family

The sound of your tiny breath on my chest reassuring me of your presence

Your tiny hands wrapped around my fingers, reminding me of what's important in life

Your adorable voice that we can't get enough of and says so much already even without words

For the way you help us see the world like never before.. 

For all the dreams we have of all the wonderful moments we hope to share with you...

Thank You for being here sweet Christopher, and thank you Grace for giving us this blessing. You are both in our hearts for eternity 💕

Singing our baby to life 🌱

This poem or song came to me in the years we were trying for a baby, around 4 years ago, a few years before we actually ever conceived. It was an attempt inspired by Native American traditions if I remember correctly, to sing our baby to life...

I titled it Olivia/ Oliver at the time as they were names we both loved...

❤️

You are the seed waiting to blossom
The cobweb dancing on the meadow

You are the ray of light caressing the treetops
The sleepy robin, greeting the sunrise

You are the bringer of hope, love and compassion
A beacon of light to lift up all darkness

The butterfly from the cocoon, the rainbow after a storm

You are laughter, you are joy, the sweet scent of a gentle rose, opening to it's grace and beauty

You are the voice, you are the song
The creator and the story, the road and the journey
The healer and the healing that the raindrops are bringing

You are the woodpecker and the squirrel, The shade and shelter of the mighty oak
The lavender waiting to perfume the world

The dream and the dreamer of music in our hearts
We sing you to life, you sweet child of Grace, to make the world a much more beautiful place

We love you already, more than words can say, perhaps a soaring eagle could find the perfect way

The fruit of a perfect love and tenderness, a gentle messenger of all that is good and sacred

Sing and dance and soar on the winds
May innocence and joy follow all that you bring

You are the light and the lighthouse, the bird and the feather

You are the eagle
You are the wind

We whisper your name...
We whisper your name...

❤️

Dedicated to both our babies, our first ever Angel baby, and little boy, who we cannot wait to hold in our arms ❤️❤️❤️

Lujzi 💕

Lehelleted megôrizték a fák...

Talpad nyomát a puha homok...

Kicsi szíved dallama még visszhangzik a szélben...

Csillogó szemed beleégett az emlékezetembe...

Itt vagy velünk mintha sose lett volna másképp...

❤️❤️❤️