Monday, 7 September 2020

For Grace and Christopher

 

My heart overflowing with love for this little being, I felt the need to write again. Only after I started the post did I realise the date today... Last year on this day we were due to have our first baby. As painful as that journey was and knowing no one can replace that little soul, if we hadn't miscarried, we never would have received the precious gift that is Christopher.


Bursting with gratitude for the first time possibly ever I'm lost for words to describe the feeling...


All I can think of is Thank You..


For the smile on your little face when you wake up, that lights up the whole room

The sound of your giggles that makes everything right in the world

Your sparkling eyes that are full of sweetness and mischief

The abundance of love you've brought into our family

The sound of your tiny breath on my chest reassuring me of your presence

Your tiny hands wrapped around my fingers, reminding me of what's important in life

Your adorable voice that we can't get enough of and says so much already even without words

For the way you help us see the world like never before.. 

For all the dreams we have of all the wonderful moments we hope to share with you...


Thank You for being here sweet Christopher, and thank you Grace for giving us this blessing. You are both in our hearts for eternity 💕








Friday, 15 May 2020

Singing our baby to life 🌱


This poem or song came to me in the years we were trying for a baby, around 4 years ago, a few years before we actually ever conceived. It was an attempt inspired by Native American traditions if I remember correctly, to sing our baby to life...

I titled it Olivia/ Oliver at the time as they were names we both loved...

❤️

You are the seed waiting to blossom
The cobweb dancing on the meadow

You are the ray of light caressing the treetops
The sleepy robin, greeting the sunrise

You are the bringer of hope, love and compassion
A beacon of light to lift up all darkness

The butterfly from the cocoon, the rainbow after a storm

You are laughter, you are joy, the sweet scent of a gentle rose, opening to it's grace and beauty

You are the voice, you are the song
The creator and the story, the road and the journey
The healer and the healing that the raindrops are bringing

You are the woodpecker and the squirrel, The shade and shelter of the mighty oak
The lavender waiting to perfume the world

The dream and the dreamer of music in our hearts
We sing you to life, you sweet child of Grace, to make the world a much more beautiful place

We love you already, more than words can say, perhaps a soaring eagle could find the perfect way

The fruit of a perfect love and tenderness, a gentle messenger of all that is good and sacred

Sing and dance and soar on the winds
May innocence and joy follow all that you bring

You are the light and the lighthouse, the bird and the feather

You are the eagle
You are the wind

We whisper your name...
We whisper your name...

❤️

Dedicated to both our babies, our first ever Angel baby, and little boy, who we cannot wait to hold in our arms ❤️❤️❤️

Tuesday, 12 May 2020

Lujzi 💕


Lehelleted megôrizték a fák...

Talpad nyomát a puha homok...

Kicsi szíved dallama még visszhangzik a szélben...

Csillogó szemed beleégett az emlékezetembe...

Itt vagy velünk mintha sose lett volna másképp...

❤️❤️❤️

Saturday, 9 May 2020

Várakozás.... / Waiting...


Nevedet sem tudom még, csak azt, hogy Isten nekem rendelt...

Arcodat még csak álmaim
 őrzik, az angyalok tükröződnek benne...

Mit szeret majd szíved, lelked? Életem feladata megfejteni...


Édes szavad, selymes hajad még a holnap ajándéka... mára a szív reménnyel teli várakozása marad...


Érkezésed legyen áldott, és minden lépted e világon...


Bútól, bajtól óvjon az Ég, minden vágyad valóra váljon...


Vezessen emberség, béke, a jóság és a szeretet...


És ne feledd, hogy várva voltál, s hogy imádságunk mindörökké Teveled...



A legnagyobb szeretettel,

Édesanyád




Waiting...

No name even revealed yet, only that God sent you to me...

Your face held in my dreams, a reflection of angels...

What will be your heart's desire? I will dedicate my life to unravelling the mystery...

The blue of the ocean or the birds of the forest? Whatever you dream of, it is Yours...

I wait for you in every new day, birdsong and sunset...

Your sweet voice and silky hair still the gift of tomorrow... Today, filled with hopeful anticipation...

May your arrival be blessed, and every step you take...

May you always be protected, your every wish fulfilled...

May you be guided by peace, kindness and love...

And never forget, how much you were wanted, with prayers to last you all your days...


With all my love,
Mum





Monday, 4 May 2020

Apple tree


So much hope and promise in nature...

The sweet pink blossoms from Easter have now been replaced by tiny bulbs starting to resemble apples.

Mother nature is so precious and magnificent. What a gift we have in our hands...


Sunday, 3 May 2020

Counting blessings

 

During my forest stroll today with little Dorka I came across this stunning rhododendron, and it made me think of an exercise Father Nigel encouraged us to do in his beautiful online mass this morning. He said to list ten things that are precious to us and ten things we would like to have and comparing what would have a bigger impact on our lives - losing our blessings or gaining what we want to have...

The rhododendron is one of these blessings in my life, not just because of its beauty, but because if it didn't exist then our lives might be very different today.
It was in the last year we were living on the caravan sight, when one night I woke up to lots of shouting. Stepping outside our little caravan we called home sweet home at the time I caught a glimpse of ash blowing towards our roof and then suddenly I spotted to the right the blazing fire coming from a caravan at the end of our row... It was a long and unforgettable night, especially for the firefighters tackling the flames as one caravan set fire to the next like a domino of matchsticks. It was surreal and frightening as the fire was heading in our direction and we stood there, our feet seemingly having grown roots, helplessly observing it all unfold...
I cannot recall what happened in the next hour or two, or three... My next recollection is that of finding out the next morning that the flames were stopped from spreading onto our row, by a sturdy rhododendron bush, miraculously growing only about three pitches away from us.

I am forever grateful for this humble little plant, for shielding us and many others that night...

When I think of all the blessings in my life I could mention every single member of our very special and nutty family as one each, because never in my dreams had I imagined being surrounded by so many loving people. When I add all our friends who have been there for us and are even in these peculiar times sending their love in so many ways, by making our baby boy beautiful handmade gifts, by sending us messages of their love and support, listening to hormonal tears on occasion and just letting us know they're there; our blessings are nearer the hundreds than the original ten I set out to list...

The list, however, still does not end there. I've always loved noticing and recording life's little synchronicities that can find you in the most unexpected ways and give so much reassurance when it's most needed. In the last few weeks I've had the serendipitous fortune of connecting with a like minded soul, the kind of writer and person I aspire to be, Katalin Eszterhai. I bought one of her books in Hungary during our last visit there last year, but only had the chance to find the stillness needed to appreciate the beauty in her words during the quiet of our isolation. Her sentiments so echoed the voice of my own soul that I reached out and made contact and was fortunate enough to receive a reply, and many more inspiring letters since that day. In one of these letters Katalin signed off by writing:

'Hordozd magadon Isten áldását, akár egy jó ruhát', translating something like 'wear God's blessing, like a beautiful garment'.

The next morning I woke up and felt called to spend the first moments of my day in the company of my devotional journal ..


My heart skipped a beat when the reading for that specific day said:
'God's call upon you today is to walk in newness of life, and to put on your new life as you would put on a new garment' which I quickly underlined and smudged in the process!



There's a quiet but overwhelming joy in these moments, that I cherish and need to note down to remind myself later...

Another such peaceful blessing arrived in the form of a lilac flower just yesterday. This is the season when they are in bloom, and if you've ever taken the time to breathe in their perfume, you will agree there are no words to describe it. As our walks have become quite gentle and slow paced as of late, I take advantage of every opportunity to pause and indulge in such pleasures as this. It was no different yesterday morning, discovering a bush in our nearby forest, that was generously offering it's aromatic bundles of lilac treasures for inspection. I mentioned to Daniel that my mum had one in her beautiful garden in Hungary and how I'd like to plant one for us too.

Arriving home from that walk, I stepped out of the car and had the realisation, that right in front of our neighbour's garden there stood a beautiful tree with snow white lilac blossoms on it! I passingly mentioned to our neighbour that I would very much like to pinch a little cutting off his tree to see if it would grow in our garden. By the time I came back from my second walk with Dorka, there was a little pot of soil waiting for me outside the door with a cutting of the snow white lilac...

If this wasn't heartwarming enough, that same evening I receive a little photo update from a precious friend in Germany, the Wild Child; the photo of a beautiful lilac bush...


The icing on top of my cake is that she loves to draw and she gifted me a drawing of this special flower to decorate my blog entry:


Signing off with a heart filled with gratitude and numb fingers from typing! :) I believe it was Albert Einstein who said 'There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

I'd like to think I live my life believing everything is, and this belief has never let me down.



Wednesday, 29 April 2020

Success


In these unusual times of lockdown and social isolation, all of our lives have been impacted to some degree, whether in large or small ways. From my perspective, as a mother to be with a baby boy ready to arrive any second now, it has brought challenges like not being able to give my own Mother a big hug or spend precious time visiting our Granddad to share a simple bowl of tomato soup and rolls, like we used to.

This time has not passed without blessings, however. I'm grateful for the stillness it has brought with it, like helping me find my way back to the joy of writing, which was often pushed aside by work, every day life and lots of 'busyness'.

This morning I woke up feeling the urge to share a few thoughts on the meaning of success. The abundance of time at home many of us have been granted has been a two edged sword for several of us, including myself to some extent; increasing pressure of having to 'achieve' something in this period and spend it 'productively'. Especially as a brand new mum to be, in my head the list of things to sort out inside and around me seemed somewhat neverending.

Then one day, inspired by a friend's sharing, a sweet little book arrived on my doorstep; The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse dreamed up by Charlie Mackesy. In it stood the humble and gentle, yet so powerful reminder:

"What do you think success is?" asked the boy
"To love," said the mole

This simple yet so beautiful thought stopped me right in my tracks and warmed my heart immeasurably.

I so wanted to share it to encourage all of us to keep sight of what's really important, whether it's calling that person who lives alone and so needs to know that they are loved and thought of, being kind to the ones around us we might have slightly taken for granted in the last few weeks, or simply lovingly nurturing that beautiful flower growing in our garden. That is my hope and wish for us all in getting through these unprecedented times; success in sharing that precious love we all hold inside of us.

Monday, 27 April 2020

Kahlil Gibran - On Children


Our dear Child,

Your Daddy took this beautiful photo.

I wanted to share with you a quote from one of my favourite books, The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.

This is what he writes on Children:


"Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies, but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He lives also the bow that is stable."


I hope and pray these words will be a gentle reminder to me in moments when everyday life might tempt me to lose sight of them.


With all my love, your Mum ❤️







Sunday, 26 April 2020

Részlet kisfiamnak írt naplómból - angyali sugallat


Édes Kisfiam,


"Különösen szeressétek a gyermekeket, mert vétek nélkül valók, mint az angyalok. A mi örömünkre vannak a világon, hogy jobbá tegyék szívünket..."

Ezt a Dosztojevszkij idézetet olyan örömmel teli szívvel másolom Neked egy számomra nagyon felemelô üzenetbôl, amit tegnap kaptam egy csodálatos írónôtôl, Eszterhai Katalintól. A történet tavaly júniusra nyúlik vissza, amikor utóljára jártunk Debrecenben. Ott bukkantam rá egy könyvárusnál erre a számomra oly becses kötetre Szeretném még elmondani: szerettem címmel. Egybôl a lelkemhez szólt. Ahogy belelapoztam, üdítô színek, szívmelengetô képek a tengerrôl, virágokról, égrôl, csoda tájaktól, bölcs idézetekkel teleszórva. Úgy éreztem talán egy nap egy ehhez hasonló kötetet tarthatok majd én is kezemben, a saját tollam által írottat...

Ugrunk elôre jó pár hónapot, áldott állapotom nyolcadik hónapja körül a koronavírus csendjében elôkerült a könyvespolcról ez a kõtet és teljesen beleszerelmesedtem minden szavába, ékes sorába. Katalin olyan felemelôen ír az életrôl, a szeretetrôl, az élet megpróbáltatásairól, azokról a hétköznapi csodákról, amikben mindennapjainkban örömünket lelhetjük ebben az életben.

Annyira gyógyítóan hatottak rám sorai, hogy elhatároztam megkeresem és írok neki, hátha megtalálom... És mit hoz az élet, tegnap meg is találtam és azon nyomban gépelni kezdtem neki hálás szīvemmel köszönô levelemet. Gondoltam magamban biztos rengetegen teszik hasonlóképpen és nem vártam választ egy jó ideig, így majd kiugrottam bôrömbôl, amikor ugyanaznap este érkezett egy válasz levél, és méghozzá írásaihoz hūen egy olyan bûbájos és szeretetteljes válasz, amiben megkaptam Tôle a korábban említett Dosztojevszkij idézetet.

Ezt el akartam mesélni Neked, mert ha talán egyszer az én kötetem is megjelenik, az égiek is úgy akarván, akkor Eszterhai Katalin könyvének ahhoz nagyon sok köze lesz. Mintha az angyalok küldték volna hozzám imáimra válaszul, hogy újult erôt, ihletet adjon, és hogy sugallatával nagyobb szeretettel és megbocsájtással tekintsek múltamra és a Veled megáldott jövôre.


 Az angyali hang ❤️

 https://youtu.be/EZeizMQ3rbc


Thursday, 16 April 2020

Preparation for your arrival 💕






Dear Baby Boy,

Although I'm already writing you a very detailed diary of all the things we're getting up to while waiting for you to join us, I still wanted to add an entry in my blog with a bit of photographic evidence.

These are the weird and wonderful events of our lives at this moment of time, a period of bittersweet anticipation of expecting our first healthy baby during a worldwide lockdown due to COVID-19 pandemic.

Our lives are thankfully much more on the sweet side and we hope you are enjoying these days with us too, bouncing about in my amniotic fluid!

So much love and cuddles,

Your Mama, Daddy, and furry sister Dorka 💕❤️🐾🐾




In our tiny but very precious garden, we've planted 3 fruit trees, plum, apple and pear, of which the apple as you can see is magnicently showing off its first blossoms!
We've got a herb garden and a blueberry bush, as well as a veggie planter with courgettes, carrots, radishes and lettuce waiting to make their appearance.

By the time you're born we might even be able to admire the sunflowers and other little flowers also enjoying the spring sunshine outside.








We've also spent many hours with you in my tummy exploring the surrounding forests, enjoying the fresh air and birdsong and hugging trees (instead of family for now) that would be me! Your Daddy and Dorka leave these kinds of weird things to me!



After several years of dust collecting the guitar has made an appearance in our home again. I've been practicing some songs for you, like Woodstock by Matthew Southern Comfort, I'm Yours by Jason Mraz and my next one to tackle is Somewhere over the rainbow, Eva Cassidy's version, which is proving to be a bit of a challenging one. I'm doing more procrastinating than strumming when it comes to that one! 
I usually start my mornings with a bit of quiet prayer or journalling, sending out love to all the beautiful family and friends we can't see and share cuddles with at the moment.





With going out for meals out of the question at this moment in time, we have made lots of healthy homemade meals with the things available in the shops, in this way discovering how delicious baked beans pizzas are!








There's been the other fun jobs of figuring out how the bottle steriliser works, sorting baby clothes (with Dorka as my main helper), putting together prams and playpens, (your Daddy's main area of expertise, I just tried to keep out of the way!) And then there was swaddling teddy bears and practicing drawing paw patrol characters, thanks to your cousin Danien's birthday, and getting your nursery ready, with lots of love and enthusiasm.

After all this was accomplished...




...this is all we had energy for :D

We love you so much and can't wait to meet you. I hope one day you'll enjoy this little snapshot of our earliest days together. With all or love, your nutty family 💕