Here I was thinking I was doing all the right things, handing over all my worries and doubts in prayer and waiting for a miracle to happen. But guess what I've learned? Prayer is not a one way street, it needs to be a dialogue otherwise it's a one way conversation. It's like talking to someone but then not taking the time to let them respond, it's like the yin without the yang, the sun without the moon, a day without the night, phoning someone and then saying what you want to say then hanging up on them before they get the chance to speak. Not good. So I got my knickers in a twist and started getting very disillusioned with my faith thinking why is He leaving me in the dark when I need Him most... And then it hit me, almost quite literally. I was talking to someone the other day and this lad just kept talking and talking and talking some more, but there never seemed to be a pause long enough to get a word in let alone a sentence. I realised that's how God must have felt with me lately. I didn't pause long enough for him to sigh let alone speak to me...
Until today. In reply to a good old whinge my very wise friend yesterday reminded me again of the power of meditation. I loved the fact that she helped me remember that all the answers are actually within me, yes, the best advice ever. So I finally took the time to sit down and listen.... I prayed and I listened and prayed again and listened some more. And as has always been the case in my life when i kept faith, light came pouring in in the most unexpected way, in a way i never could have come up with myself....
So very appropriately on this beautiful summer solstice, the longest day of the year, all that invigorating, hope giving, uplifting light managed to find its way into my darkness and I am deeply grateful.
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