Every long journey begins with a single step... My journey into faith...

This day started out like many others, waking up slightly hung over, but not from an exciting party, but another of many, now becoming too many twelve hour shifts, planning to walk the dogs, catch up with three days of washing up and tidying and then prepare some apple and cinnamon pancakes. Not to say there was anything wrong with these plans, but I was very soon reminded again, that 'life (indeed) is what happens while you sit and make plans. I put the dogs leashes on, still half asleep, and stepped outside our caravan. The rays of autumn sunshine were quick to greet us on our way out, the air crisp and fresh, my breath starting to show, being October after all. I couldn't have taken more than ten steps up the road when I felt a sudden yank on who else's but Lujzi's leash and off she was in an instant, leash and all chasing some other four legged creature.... In my first reaction I was fantasizing of doing many things to her, none of which I would like to share here, but a few moments later as I turned around to see where she had shot off to, I caught a glimpse of something so stunning it took my breath away. The early morning sun was rising behind the trees surrounding our caravan, the rays of light pouring through the branches trying to make their way excitedly through the little clouds of fog in their way, creating such a symphony of light and mist and movement that I completely forgot where I was headed, I just stood there and stared. I was taken back to another time I had lost Lujzi and had decided to make an adventure of it instead of get angry, so here was my cue to do the same today. I started walking in the direction my feet were taking me and just around the corner from where I lost the little beast, one of our neighbours had the boot of her car wide open and in the boot sat an enormous figurine of someone sat cross legged in stillness and prayer perhaps... Did I need a clearer sign than that? So I headed home to sit down and put to practice a mindfulness meditation I had just been reminded of a few days back on an incredibly fascinating homeopathy session, about which I will write more later. Without aiming for perfection this time I just sat down on the sofa, rubbed my hands together inspired by a current enlightening read 'Light is the New Black' and sat palms facing up observing my breath asking for guidance.... I don't think I was sat there more than three minutes when in the distance I started to hear a quiet little whimpering, slowly turning into barking. It could have been many other dogs living on site, but something inside me just told me to follow the sound. Out I went again, following the barking, still not convinced it was my own dog, and only passed about 5 caravans when I saw her silly little face peeping back at me in frustration of having tangled herself in yet another bush that was clearly misplaced according to her! I whispered a thank you and grinned at this little adventure life had handed me and went back to my sofa to finish my 20 minute mindfulness meditation to find out what else was in store for me today, hence this blog entry and hopefully many more to come. Part of my meditation was a brief dialogue with Jesus, which would come as a surprise to most people who know me well as most of my life I've been trying to 'find my faith' trying to label or identify what I believed in. I have always had faith, that I knew and always prayed, sometimes to the angels, sometimes Jesus, sometimes the universe or whoever might be listening, but for whatever reason I could never bring myself to commit to any single determined path, in a way I was enjoying the exploration and freedom way too much. However, I can no longer ignore the signs I've been receiving especially in the last year or so, interestingly since I turned 33, and feel as though I'm being called to share my journey with faith through my writing. So where to start a long journey? With one single step... My first conscious memory of Jesus Christ takes me back to when I was about 5 years old, living in Hungary at the time. Christmas must have been approaching as there was a little postcard on our dining room table, a picture of baby Jesus surrounded by angels, and having heard from my parents that 'baby Jesus would be visiting us at Christmas eve' I picked up the postcard with great excitement, with eyes and heart lit up and remember asking my parents whether I could hold the baby Jesus in my arms on Christmas eve. I forgot about this memory for a long long time but did not forget the many nights of my little self falling asleep whispering prayers to him with my grandmothers and beautiful great-grandmother. What followed in my adult years was many many years of doubt and searching and exploring, always keeping faith, but not really knowing how to define it. Then came an interesting turning point, one of many, a beautiful trip with a very special friend to none other than Rome. And just as Rome wasn't built in a day, this story came about and is still writing itself in a myriad of tiny bits and pieces... I was sat on the floor of Ciampino airport in Rome waiting for our flight to come home when I picked up the book my friend was reading, to satisfy my never ending thirst for knowledge and undying curiosity. I cannot remember the title but as far as I can remember the book was about one man's relationship with Jesus. At that time I was quite sceptical about having any relationship with him myself, but was curious about the book nevertheless. As I picked up the book and opened it, the next thing I notice is a tiny cross on the floor in front of my crossed legs, a tiny cross made of a threadlike material. I asked my friend if it belonged to her or if it was from the book, but she was just as surprised as I was. Two days later I'm driving to my last service user before going home and an elegant white car overtakes me coming out of a roundabout, wearing the following number plate: JEZUS, which is the Hungarian way of writing Jesus. Then another few days later I'm driving home from a very enlightening Native American story telling session at the Lantern Community in Ringwood when I stopped at some traffic lights and as a was half daydreaming out the window, I spotted a poster at the traffic lights, a human size poster of Jesus on the cross... Why have I decided to share all of this only now, after countless such incidents in the past year especially? All my life I thought I had an issue with food and my weight and a few months ago I asked for guidance to finally tackle this problem of what I thought to be a sugar addiction or food intolerance or something similar. It was towards the end of August this year that a very good friend of mine whose health related advice has always been spot on, advised me to go see a local homeopath who as my friend said might be able to help me get to the bottom of my food related worries. He only had an appointment available for beginning of October as he was fully booked up s I thought that's got to be a good sign! So off I went to the session a few days ago, trying to find the clinic in an area I used to live in not too long ago. As I pulled up in front of the house my jaw almost dropped as I realised that the house I was visiting was one that I had walked past hundreds of times with the doggies in the past thinking what a sweet little cottage it was and in a street with such lovely energy... Entering the clinic I was greeted by a very welcoming atmosphere, peaceful energy, health and positive energy radiating from everything in that space. Only waiting a short while the homeopath asked me to sit on a chair with a special mat on it that was connected to a machine and he strapped me onto another that he said would ask my body 9000 questions and we would discuss what my body had a strong reaction to. The garden behind me was boasting with flowers of every colour, lightness and playfulness and guardians such as butterflies, angels and St Francis of Assisi, whose prayer I have uttered on many occasions. As the machine scanned my body I waited rather impatiently to find out what foods I might be intolerant to, what I needed to change about my lifestyle etc. To my biggest surprise (or not) after giving me some very brief pointers in regards to food, like what to avoid (it turned out to be 3 items only) he said that what he found out from the scan is that he needs to ask me about my Christ consciousness. I almost fell off my chair. He confirmed something I felt deep inside that my 'food' issues are not physical food issues primarily, it's my spiritual hunger that I need to address. And so I will keep addressing through meditation and writing this blog. To close this entry I would like to share something very beautiful I experienced with a lady in the nursing home the other day. I had taken her breakfast in and was helping her eat it as her mobility doesn't always allow her to do it on her own. As she is not a very talkative lady and doesn't say very much instead of chatting with her I decided to pray for her. As she was eating her porridge I was silently uttering a prayer to Archangel Michael to look out for her on that day. Little did I suspect that the moment my prayer was uttered, she would look up to the ceiling and say 'what is that fluttering of wings I see?' Could there have been any clearer confirmation???