So I bought a caravan...

Apparently caterpillars go through such a transformation by the time they become butterflies, that even their DNA changes. Half a year ago I was happily planning a wedding, busy educating small children in a Montessori nursery and living in small flat with a courtyard garden, manicly trying to keep my 15-20 plants alive, taking 15-20 minutes to get to some green space to breath and play with my dogs. Today I step outside my caravan and straight onto the heathlands where there is no bad weather only birdsong and stunning sunsets with miles and miles of mother earth for my dogs to explore, trees and grass and bushes as far as your eyes can see, I'm doing care work, building a natural cosmetic business, learning to teach Shakti dance, taking singing lessons and alone, but not lonely. I feel like that caterpillar must feel, completely transformed and struggling a bit to understand what to do with this 'new' identity. Ken Carey wrote in one of his books that he would recommend for everyone to try living closer to nature for a while. I've never felt so alive, so aware, so in tune with myself and the world around me. Every day something happens that makes my heart sing, that I want to share with the whole world, hence this new blog journey I am embarking on. All my life I've been trying to find a religion, or faith or spiritual practice I could identify with. Now I understand what Deepak Chopra meant when he said 'Religion is belief in someone else's experience. Spirituality is having your own experience' As crazy as it may sound lately it feels like every tree, bird, song, number plate even the wind has a message if you listen and observe carefuly, a story to tell. I am going to do my best to tell these stories and hope someone else will find as much meaning in them as I have been in the last few months. The first one I'd like start with involves getting lost and discovering a nearby lake. I love to explore with my doggies and chose a path I had never wandered onto and was led to a vast lake that had been created by all the rainfall occurring around that time. As I followed the little path with the woodlands on one side and the lake opposite, I came across an enormous tree trunk blocking the path so I sat down on it and started gazing at the water, losing myself in the moment. In the water I noticed a bird, a white bird resembling a stork but couldn't tell from where I sat and sadly I'm no expert at identifying birds, but the message this bird had for me was much more meaningful than whether I knew its name or not. As I watched this graceful bird popping its head in the water from time to time to look for fish, a thought crossed my mind: where is it's other half, I wonder if another bird is going to show up. It was no surprise that this question was important for me, I was deeply grieving my lost relationship, not really being able to grasp the possibility of living life 'alone'. And almost instantaneously the answer was handed to me. I spotted its 'other half' in the form of its reflection in the water. It hit me then, whoever we are, whatever place we are in energetically, spiritually, emotionally in self awareness or whatever you want to call it, that is what we are going to call in to our lives, that is the kind of person we are going to attract. I then promised myself to become the best and fullest, most complete version of myself that I can possibly be, before thinking of looking for 'another'. That takes me to a very thought-provoking idea about marriage from a Fred Astaire movie I watched the other day, The Royal Wedding. It was in this film that I heard a gentleman say something like 'I need to learn to enjoy my own company before I have the nerve to ask somebody else to do that' which I thought was absolutely spot on!' I can't wait to share more of what I've been learning, observing, discovering, but I want to keep the entries short and sweet, and thank you to whoever is listening, I know these messages will find the right person, people. With love and light, N :)