True colours...

This peculiar journey I am on is one of discovering or rediscovering my true colours and not being afraid to let them shine. One of the first steps on this path was on a late summers day, when an old friend sent me this particular song from Cindy Lauper, True Colours. I sat there on that quiet Saturday morning in my living room, surrounded by all the things I thought meant the world to me and all I could do was cry, because something of what was in that song, a song I used to sing joyfully many years ago, was missing from my life and it was time to face that. It was no fault of anyone but myself, I was too busy people pleasing and 'working hard' to allow my soul some space to spread its wings. Everything fell apart on that day... If I had been a little more aware at the time I could have suspected this was coming. A few weeks earlier I had attended an exhilirating painting workshop with a beautiful lady, Natasha where my inner little person's cry for attention was already revealing itself in the painting above. Magical things happened in the course of those three hours. At first I sat down and started painting my picture calmly and meticulously, choosing bright and happy colours, carefully moving the brush along the canvas making sure no brush stroke would be out of place. This is how it began...

...when Natasha had the genius idea that we could use her canvas to have a bit of 'fun'. As there was nothing 'at stake' there my energy shifted and I felt this urge to grab some darker colours and use wilder, braver brush strokes, enjoying the fact that it was not 'my painting' it didn't have to be perfect! Something moved in me then. Returning to my canvas after this mini detour I looked at those dark colours again and the urge in me to use them and make what I thought at the time was a mess of my pretty picture became unstoppable. The delightful rainbow above turned into a brown muck that looked more like a muddy puddle more than anything, yet there was something so purifying in what I was doing...

There I was, abandoning my brush and by this time pouring paint all over my hands, sliding the cold and sticky paint all over my mucky canvas, completely absorbed in this sublimely sensorial experience. I felt like a child discovering a secret garden with all the toys she has ever dreamed of; it was magical. At that point I no longer cared about the mess I had made of my rainbow, the outcome was no longer important, it was all about the lightness and joy that filled my entire presence... ..and the minute I had accepted that mess and chosen to enjoy the moment Natasha showed me something that blew me away. She gently brought to my attention that if I start scratching the surface of my 'mess' the colours I had meticulously painted earlier would appear again! Oh the excitement at discovering that all was not lost!!! The end result filled my heart with peace and gratitude, because allowing the darkness to blend with the colours of my pretty and 'perfect' self gave birth to something more alive and vibrant than anything I could have ever imagined. Don't be afraid to make what might seem a mess of your life. You can't hide your true self no matter how hard you try, it will shine through in ways you never expected! Happy getting messy to all of you ;)